Chapter 1 What Makes Marriage Work? 1 --
Marriage Is Like a Three-Legged Race 1 --
Practice and Teamwork 5 --
A Plan B (When Everything Goes Wrong) 14 --
How to Assess Your Marriage 15 --
Chapter 2 Danger Signs in a Marriage 17 --
Don't Give Up Too Soon 17 --
Spending Out of Balance 25 --
More Time Apart than Together 26 --
Chapter 3 Power Sharing in Marriage 31 --
Reinventing History: This Is Not Your Parents' Marriage 31 --
Defining Your Ideal Marriage 34 --
Different Kinds of Power: His, Hers, and Ours 36 --
Creating a Working Partnership 37 --
Sharing Housework: Make a Contract 39 --
Chapter 4 He Said, She Said 43 --
Why Communication Is Important 43 --
Ways Women and Men Communicate 44 --
Timing Is Everything 48 --
How Best to Talk and Listen 50 --
"You" Messages Versus "I" Messages 52 --
Pick Your Fights Carefully 53 --
Chapter 5 Ten Rules of Fair Fighting 61 --
What Is a Fair Fight? 61 --
Rule 1 Keep It Private 63 --
Rule 2 Schedule Your Arguments 63 --
Rules 3 and 4 Limit the Topic and Stay on Topic 65 --
Rule 5 Allow Time-Outs 71 --
Rule 6 Offer Solutions with Criticisms 73 --
Rule 7 Never Say "You Never" or "You Always" 74 --
Rule 8 Set Off-Limit Topics 76 --
Rule 9 Don't Save Up Anger 77 --
Rule 10 Art of the Apology 80 --
Chapter 6 Marriage and Money: The Fault Lines 83 --
Finances as a Power Issue in Marriage 83 --
Who's the Spendthrift, Who's the Miser? 87 --
He Makes the Money, She Spends It 89 --
She Makes the Money, He Spends It 92 --
Both Make the Money, Both Spends It 93 --
When Your Money Issues Show Up in Other Places 94 --
Chapter 7 Making Money Work in Marriage 97 --
Finding Common Money Values 97 --
How to Assess Your Spending Needs 101 --
Three-Pot Approach: His, Hers, and Ours 102 --
Making a Budget Stick 104 --
Marriage as a Family Business 106 --
Long-Distance Marriage 107 --
Chapter 8 Marriage and Sex 111 --
Creating Intimacy and Sexuality 111 --
Challenge of the Familiar 113 --
Monogamy Brings Responsibility 114 --
Romancing the Marriage 117 --
Sex by Appointment 120 --
Pregnancy, Nursing, and Married Sex 120 --
Keeping Sex New as Your Marriage Matures 122 --
Chapter 9 Bringing Passion Back 123 --
Let's Talk about Sex 123 --
You Can Relight the Flame 127 --
Starting Fresh by Making Time and Effort 129 --
Massage for Lovers 130 --
Role-Playing and Fantasy Games 132 --
Renewing Your Sexual Relationship for the Long Term 135 --
Chapter 10 Surviving Infidelity 137 --
Defining Infidelity 137 --
Looking Is Not the Same as Doing 138 --
Why Men and Women Cheat 140 --
Infidelity as a Symptom of Another Problem 146 --
Why Couples Stay Together after an Affair (Most Do) 151 --
Chapter 11 Self in Marriage 153 --
Have a Blissful Union ... Without Losing Yourself 153 --
Reconcilable Differences 155 --
Problems from Blurred Boundaries 157 --
Balancing Conditional and Unconditional Love 158 --
Behind the Need to Control Your Partner 159 --
Together and Apart 163 --
Chapter 12 Marriage and Children 167 --
Parenting as a Team 167 --
Partners Before Parents 168 --
When Discipline Styles Differ 169 --
Creating a Family Culture of Respect 171 --
When Families Need Professional Help 173 --
Nuts and Bolts of Family Therapy 174 --
Special Needs Children and Marriage 176 --
Chapter 13 Marriage and Stepfamilies 181 --
Challenges of Blended Families 181 --
Letting Go of the Past 183 --
Divorce a Spouse, Not Children 184 --
Stepparenting as Art, Not Science 186 --
Money and Blended Families 189 --
Parenting Stepsisters and Stepbrothers 190 --
Chapter 14 Marriage and In-Laws 193 --
Most Challenging In-Law Problems 196 --
Putting Your Partner First in Decision Making 198 --
Solutions for In-Law Problems 200 --
Privacy as a Marital Vow 203 --
Why Every Marriage Needs a Community 204 --
Chapter 15 Marriage Therapy 207 --
Purpose of Marriage Therapy 207 --
Role of the Marriage Therapist 209 --
How Long Will It Take? 211 --
Finding the Right Marriage Therapist 212 --
When to Bring the Children into Therapy 213 --
How Individual Therapy Helps a Troubled Marriage 214 --
What Marriage Therapy Can't Do 217 --
Chapter 16 Newly Married Couple 219 --
From Honeymoon to Hibernation 219 --
Pitfalls of the First Year 222 --
Setting Up House Together 223 --
Friends: His, Hers, and Ours 224 --
Surviving Your First Blow-Ups 225 --
Building a Strong Foundation 227 --
Chapter 17 Marrying Different Cultures 229 --
Challenges of Multicultural Marriages 229 --
When Different Religions Marry 231 --
Planning Holidays and Special Occasions 232 --
Nuts and Bolts of Cultural Differences 233 --
Raising Biracial or Multicultural Children 235 --
Chapter 18 Divorce as Last Resort 237 --
How the Idea of Divorce Functions in Marriage 237 --
Women and Men in the Modern Divorce 239 --
Reasons to Go Through with a Divorce 242 --
Revisiting "For the Sake of the Children" 244 --
Decision to Divorce 246 --
How to Inflict the Least Damage on Your Children 249 --
Chapter 19 Making Remarriage Work 253 --
Look Back and Learn 253 --
How to Heal a Broken Heart 254 --
Considering Remarriage 256 --
How to Use Your Time Between Marriage 258 --
Pitfalls of Remarriages 259 --
How to View a Prenuptial Agreement 260 --
Doing Things Differently 261 --
Chapter 20 A Long-Term Marriage 263 --
Why Some Marriages Last 263 --
Challenges of Long-Term Marriage 265 --
Marriage Changes You, Too 267 --
Examining the Long-Term Marriage 268 --
Planning for the Future 271 --
Joys of Long-Term Marriage 272.
